i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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