i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
