I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
