I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
