OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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