i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
