it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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