it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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