Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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