How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
