I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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