Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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