I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
