He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
