turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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