I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
