Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
