You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
