we have officially lost it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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