Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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