If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
