There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
