if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
