yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The best revenge is premature balding
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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