well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
