the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
