The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
