maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
