I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
