bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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