i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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