My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
