Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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