The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
