I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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