i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
