New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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