And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My vagina just clenched in fear
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
