God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
