I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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