Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I cut my penus on the lid.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
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So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
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I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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