She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
