Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
