omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
