her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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