Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
