any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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