I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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