We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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