1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
