I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
