i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
