Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
