I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
