I wanna bring you to show and tell
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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