forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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