so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
