Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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