it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
