I faked an abortion last night.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
