Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
