I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
