do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
