I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
