i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
