I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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