absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
