I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
