She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
