Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
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And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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