the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
